Anonymity
Shit. Has it really been over a month since I blathered on in a post? My deepest apologies, both to anyone who actually reads this, and to myself, as I would have much rather been writing on here than in final term papers.
Which brings me to a new era in this young blog’s life, one in which I hope things will get a little less academic and a little more interesting, personal, and most importantly, more sexy. This started as a way for me to save my sanity by creatively circumventing the traditional essay format, and use my academic time to think and talk about something that really interested me: sex, relationships, culture, politics. I now figuratively stand at a crossroads, both in my actual life and in the sexy sphere of this blog… and it all, of course, makes me think about identity, again.
Anonymity: I had thought I would ‘come out’ as a sexuality blogger once my professor’s fears (and liability) for my personal safety were put to rest at the end of the course. But as I start to formulate a professional career, I am confronted with the reality of having to consider and guard reputation (especially as a young female) … and having to deal with exactly that line that frustrates me most: private and public. Without going into the problematics (ha!) of that division from a feminist view, it rubs me the wrong way with sexuality activism in particular. Greying lines like this one is exactly why I started this blog. So, I’m particularly frustrated with having to consider the question now. My natural inclination towards an idealist, ‘to hell with everyone else, this is who I am’ response to this dilemma is checked by an unfortunate cultural reality: professions do not tolerate certain extracurricular interests. Shitty. Guess I’ll have to keep my sexuality private, and a less political.
I’m not trying to whine about my situation, in fact, I think instead I’m pointing to a couple things: one, I’m exploring how I choose who, and who I do not, talk about this part of myself with. Two, I’m wondering how, as a culture, we can make strides toward general acceptance of kink/poly/gender bending. I started to think about this as I noticed that the note-worthy blogs/websites on fluid sexuality are almost exclusively run by people who are out sex educators, writers, activists, etc. Are there many non-professional people like me (besides on forums)? I haven’t found them present online, though they most certainly exist in reality! Hmmm….
So, there must be many people faced with the dilemma of how to integrate (or even be honest about!) their interests/sexuality into the many spheres of their life. And if all of us are limited in talking about it for fear of losing our reputations, and eventually our shirts, how does fluid sexuality (specifically more misunderstood practices such as kink/poly) become less taboo. Where is the political progress?
Okay, without making this rant any longer than it has to be, I will say that for now this blog will remain softly anonymous. I may pout about, or I may rebel eventually.. but I will keep posting events, reviews, thoughts, etc… and encourage people to comment on anything and everything I put out here…
You’re right, provisional visibility is necessary for political efficacy, and in some ways, becoming visible is counter to fluid sexuality, since it has to become determined/fixed on some level in order to be perceptible. And often being perceptible to the mainstream risks becoming pigeon-holed and/or used as or reduced to being an example of something you’re not. But I think there’s a lot of political progress to be made in uncovering our own views and articulating unspoken modes of being, even cloaked in anonymity. What’s a real name, anyway? An avatar is better.